Monday, May 16, 2011

Victory.Revelation.Freedom....Jesus!

You know when you feel like if you felt any better, you might just explode?  That's kind of what's been going on in my life.  Day after day, more freedom.  Day after day, more victory.  Day after day, more revelation.  Day after day, more Jesus.  I don't think I could live any other way.  And I see the students that are in this school catching on to it.  So many come from different places, all around the globe, in all different areas & stages of their life.... But they are catching a glimpse of the Fathers heart for them, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  To see broken, hungry & thirsty children of God eat the bread of LIFE and drink of His blood that totally wrecks them anything else but the Father, it makes my heart feel things I have never felt before.  I catch myself continually saying/thinking "I just can't believe it. Is this real?"  If you would have told me a year ago I would be this alive, this free, this full, this healed, this liberated, this full of Jesus and this in love with Him, leading people in amazing breakthrough, making incredible friends with 45 people as we do life together and find freedom in Jesus... I probably would have not believed in my heart that it was possible, although it was fully what I wanted.  And now, here I sit, with all of that to be true and it continues to pour in, as I continue to pour out.

I apologize for not writing sooner.  I love to write, and you all know that.  It's just... A lot of what is going on, I find a hard time putting words to it.  He is the indescribable one, so I figure if He is, than the manifestations of who He is would be also, right? Right.
I feel like the best way to share with you is maybe to just state a few things that have become Truth to me, in my heart, in the past couple of weeks.  I hope & believe that you will find freedom in Jesus through them, and as you breathe in who He is, I know you will look more like Him, act more like Him, smell more like Him, and live more like Him... And who wouldn't desire that?

  • In my weakness He is made strong:  Day in and day out, the more I think about Him... the more that I think on things that are of eternal worth, the more I CHOOSE to walk in who He has made me to be, the more happier I truly am.  Not a happy on the surface (although it seems to just pour out), but more so the joy that I have on the inside... It has been rooted in my heart, not by my experience (for if it was because of experience I might be sad), but by the Lord being Lord over my heart, over my life, and it's the only way I know how to live when He begins to be everything in me.  It sometimes that I can rely on.  I cannot put my hope on things below, but rather on things above.  Things here will disappoint: people, money, songs, experiences, coffee (haha).  In the end, as I allow myself to be broken, as I embrace to rawness & transparency, as I allow the Father to humble me... He is given the most glory, HE is able to show His strength because I am not trying to prove my strength, which is none compared to His.  This is where true live begins to be experienced... When I give up my life completely for the life of Christ.  "To live is Christ, to die is gain."

  • I am worth it because He loves me:  God knew what He was doing when He made me.  He didn't mess up.  He didn't do something wrong, and He didn't even second guess Himself.  No, instead.... He loved what He made so much that He took me in as His own.  He knew that my value was of so much that He, before I was even born, sent His son so that we could walk in communion & intimacy with each other, not just for "as long as we both shall live" but rather for eternity!  Now if that is not love, if He does not think I am fully worth it... I honestly don't know what else would say that.  He loves me, because He loves me, because He loves me... and because of that, I am worth it... I am worth the fight, I am worth the tribulation, I am worth the love, I am worth the obedience and sacrifice... I have enormous value.  He LOVES me, with a 1 Corinthians 13 love.  Thank you Jesus!

  • Only Jesus satisfies:  As many of you know my story, you also know it's been one of a lot of searching for satisfaction in the least of satisfactory things.  Some of us go through it more extreme than others, and some of us more evident than others, but I believe it comes out in everyone sometime or another, whether big or little things.  I believe a lot of the reason it happens is because Jesus wants us to CHOOSE Him.  He doesn't want to be loved or sought after because it's the "christian" thing to do, but rather He desires our love to be raw and pure so much that He gives us a choice.  And sometimes we don't choose Him.  But, I have fully chosen Him.  And this season that I've been in here has been a realization that nothing else satisfies but the King alone.  It all starts with Christ, and it all ends with Christ.  There is no one else, there no other thing.... No dream, no vision, no future, no man, no lifestyle, no beverage, no drug, no addiction, no song, no instrument.... Nothing. Else. Satisfies.  It feels so good to say it, and know that it's what my heart truly believes now.  I would have never said before that He doesn't satisfy, but in my heart... I was searching.  I was searching for a place to go to FEEL Him, but sometimes, it's not about the feeling.  Actually, it's never about the feeling.  I believe He gives us the feeling, and I'm so thankful He does because it's a blessing.  But it's about a choice to love, It's about a choice to believe, It's about a choice to walk it out, It's about a choice to answer to the one who first called us, to love back the one who first loved us.  We didn't do anything, He did it all... And He gives us a chance to respond to His wooing.  What a faithful God, a loving Friend, a true Father He is.

  • A Future Decision: After a series of events, and praying about a few different things... The Lord brought peace to my heart after one night of spending time at His feet.  I simply heard Him say after I was searching through different things to do after this DTS, "Why do you continue to rule out staying here?"  I didn't realize that I had done that, I just didn't even think that it was a possibility, haha.  Then I felt Him say "This place is a green house for you spiritually, would you stay if I asked you to?"  As soon as I heard Him say that, it was like my heart took a big sigh.  I felt relief, I felt joy, I felt bliss in the Father and I knew in my heart it was the best thing for me.  He knows what I need, He knows what I want... And as I align myself with Him, a lot of the time those two line up as well.  So I have decided to come back, after the beginning of the year (2012), and spend two years here.  I imagine I will be coming home within those 2 years, but I don't know when or how (depending on financial things).  I will be working with Ronda & Aaron Barker (who I am working with now, and who have become family to me in so many amazing ways).  As it gets closer to the next season I will have more of an idea of what that looks like, but at this point I'm pretty positive it means staffing another DTS next April.  As I know more in detail, I will make sure to include you in on that :).  I am so excited for what the Lord has.  HE is faithful!!  I am so blessed, I am so full of His heart for me, and for those around me.  This is life.  He has come to give us abundant life and I KNOW I've online began to see a little bit of how that is played out in my life.

You are all amazing.  I hope you are blessed, that you are filled with Jesus and that you experience Him every day in new ways, in old ways, in crazy ways, in subtle ways.... In every way that He chooses to fill your life :).


1 comment:

  1. this means we’ll be in kona at the same time! :) :) yeah yeah! I’ll be back jan 2012-jun 2012 :)

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