If We Will Listen, We Will Obtain

It had been about 28-30 hours into this feeling, that hour by hour continued to overtake me.  My kindness began to wear thin, my patience was failing, dis-gratitude and annoyance grew thick, and I was growing weary, quick.  All desire to invest in people was quickly disappearing and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep it away.  I tried everything in the book.  Physically, I drank tons of water and I tried resting, I took a shower to see if that would calm my heart down.  Anxiety just grew, and nothing I was doing was helping.  I broke off, rebuked, repented, asked for prayer from a few close friends.  I filled myself up with truth, and declared the love of God over my heart.

Over the past week, I have been crying out for more hunger.  I have been pressing in for fresh revelation, from the Holy Spirit Himself, not through other peoples revelation.  I am tired of it being easy, and I was getting sick of not having to press in.  So I cried out.  I asked God for hunger; over, and over, and over again.  I desperately needed, not just an experience of God being close, but an awakening in my spirit to the reality of the goodness of God, and the reality of my weak self, so in need of a Savior.  I hate living in a robot mentality... from meeting to meeting, prayer set to worship set, intercession to contending, then a meeting, then worship, eat and sleep a little, have a little fun, intercession, worship.... It was become a routine, rather than a desperate cry for more.

I decided to go home and really get with God.  I needed to just seek Him, with only the sounds of birds and the wisp of the breeze.  So I did.  And in the midst of my wrestling inside, I felt Him speak to me...
"What if every action you did, brought in the Kingdom?  What if you lived a life where nothing hindered my presence?  What if this feeling never left; would you still seek me?  What if fear never entered your heart, and you lived - day in and day out, in that state?  What if you asked me first in every feeling what I wanted to reveal?  Beloved, I am teaching you to fight for yourself."  And in that moment I realized He was answering my prayers, and breaking my box of How I thought He was going to do it.  Hunger is refreshing & beautiful, in all it's messiness.

A dear friend of mine, dealing with somewhat of the same thing, said this, "Sometimes I am always fighting for others, that I forget to fight for myself."  Instantly I had a picture of Jesus, leaving the disciples, to get alone with God.  I believe part of that was Him fighting for Himself, for His own heart, for Truth to be resounding in every aspect of who He was, and that He would have the mind of the Father above His own.
I feel sometimes we get so caught up in believing things are from the enemy, that we discount the fact that, through everything, the Father wants to reveal His heart to His children.  I felt His spirit come upon me and I literally stopped in my tracks as He said "If you would quiet yourself, and listen, you will obtain much."  And even in the struggle within me, I choose to still my heart before Him... And though I did not "feel" still, I knew my spirit was ready to listen.  And a cry within my heart resounded "I will do anything Jesus."

I always want to be broken before Him, and aware of my need for Him.  I never want to be in a place where I think the methods I have used in the past will cure every situation.  I want my heart to be molded by His methods, not my own.  And although He is always constant, His way of doing things changes all the time.  I believe He does this so we don't start thinking it's our own selves alone that bring things to pass, but that He is always above... For we only know and see in part, but He knows the whole - from beginning to end.  And "He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion."

I believe He always wants to reveal things to us, but I believe we are on soil ground with the Father right now.  I think it's a very important time to press into His voice, to throw off our own rights and entitlements for things to go a certain way, and really listen to what He has to say for this time.  He has fresh bread, fresh revelation, and fresh wisdom & strategy for the age we are in.  We are being prepared for things far greater than we could understand, and He will be faithful to clothe us with the armor we need, because of our faithfulness and obedience to yield to Him, to His voice, and to His timing for things.